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I AM Good Enough!


Today should have been our ten year anniversary and instead we’ve been separated for a month (divorce will be final sometime in August). I’m glad it’s Memorial Day weekend. Going camping with the family so that will help keep me busy. We are under contract on our house and I was able to out in an offer for a cute little house for me and Buddy the cat. AND there is an interested party in our camper. Things were moving forward, looking up, and I was feeling a little more positive than I have in a month.

And then I get an email from my ex this morning that sort of put a kink in all that.

The subject line said “Thank You”. I figured he was thanking me for getting all the bank info together for the realtor. But no. Instead what I read was a huge long list of things he was thanking me for:

Thank you for 10 years of marriage.
Thank you for 13 years together.
Thank you for our friendship before we dated.
Thank you for cooking and planning healthy meals.
Thank you for cleaning.
Thank you for doing laundry.
Thank you for taking care of the cats.
Thank you for making all of our places into our homes.
Thank you for making me laugh.
Thank you for making me smile.
Thank you for all of the special times and memories.
Thank you for anything I may have forgotten.
He then went on to say how he’ll always care about  me and how he is praying blessing for me blah blah blah.
That all sounds well and good,  right? “Awwww, what a NICE ex husband to write those wonderful things about his ex wife!”
Except that there’s this huge colossal “BUT” at the end of that very nice list of things…”BUT if you only would have been X, Y, or Z, we’d still be together!”
Was that the spirit he wrote the email in? I don’t know and honestly don’t care. I just can’t fathom that someone would think that their ex would read something like that and…what? Be filled with gratitude and mushy feelings? Be appreciative? Write something back to them? *shakes head completely baffled* I felt like someone punched me in the gut and I didn’t even make it through the whole list before the “BUTs” started emerging: “BUT if you’d only not spend any of my money, BUT if you had only given in to my every whim, BUT if you would have changed your mind about not wanting kids, BUT if you never lost your temper, BUT if only your family didn’t offend me so…Seriously, that was the litany that ran through my mind.
My response to this email?
And yet despite all of that I still wasn’t good enough.

I hope you can find the perfect woman someday. Someone who is sweet and perfect and never loses her temper and never disagrees with you and never spends any money and has a perfect Godly family that is beyond reproach.
It’s obvious that you truly never loved me unconditionally and that I made you unhappy. Maybe now that you are finally free of me and my family you can be truly happy.
 

Childish? Maybe. But I think he should know how that email made me feel.

Because you know what I think? reading through that  list, the woman he describes sounds good enough to  me already.

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5 Comments on “I AM Good Enough!”

  1. jamiebmusings May 24, 2013 at 11:26 am #

    Damn right she is good enough. I am amazed at the nerve it takes to write something like that and good on you for writing back in the way you did.

  2. Susan May 24, 2013 at 1:28 pm #

    Sounds like he didn’t ever want a “wife”, just a maid or even his own mother. Personally, I’m glad you are away from that (wish I could write exactly what I think of this dope, but I shouldn’t) person that won’t ever be happy. His ideals are so far above realistic that it makes me realize that he has a superiority complex and can’t even see his own faults, that even he can’t live up to his own expectations. No one will ever be good enough for him, so don’t even worry that you didn’t live up to it. You ARE good, kind, beautiful, smart, generous, fun, adorable and any other wonderful adjectives that I can’t think of right now. Be done with that twit and be glad, don’t look back. You didn’t waste your time, just took a while to learn a hard lesson. My first marriage ended at eleven years, but it was the BEST thing I ever did (end it). I shed no tears, had no regrets, and rejoiced that I was allowed to come out of my hidey-hold, began living. You will too and I will rejoice with you. Miss Shay, you are GREAT!!!!!

  3. Angel May 24, 2013 at 6:25 pm #

    You are enough… sometimes people try to find what’s wrong with you because that can’t stand what’s right with you…. or they truly cannot stand themselves… I have to tell myself every morning when I look in the mirror that, I am worth someone making the effort, and I won’t settle for someone that doesn’t. I make effort, I should get it…. keep smiling Shay!

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