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What if Venus Fly Traps Were Man-Sized?

I bought a Venus Fly Trap today while at the grocery store. Those bloody bastards know right where to place that stuff so I’ll see it. It’s like they know I’m coming…

venus flytrap


These plants have always fascinated me as I’m sure they probably fascinate most people. They are indigenous here in the US on the eastern edges of North and South Carolina. They live in boggy areas with acidic soil that doesn’t contain much in the way of nutrients. While they can gain some necessities from photosynthesis and from the soil, they require insects to survive.

Which is actually a pretty cool arrangement if you ask me. They eat the bugs so the bugs don’t eat us.

Figuratively speaking of course 😉

As I glazed upon my new plant, I said to my mom, “Thank goodness these things are tiny, eh? Can you imagine getting eaten alive by one of these things?”

venus fly trap


Can you imagine? *shudder* We’re not talking a quick death here, folks. It takes a week or more for the plant to digest any unfortunate insects that happen to land on the thing and trigger it to snap closed. If you happened to get trapped within one you might be slowly digested over a…thousand years…

Okay, probably not as long as the Almighty Sarlaac would take to digest you but still, even a week being slowly melted away would be too bloody long. And after it’s through digesting all the meaty parts, it would spit out what it couldn’t digest, mainly bones and maybe some hair. Egads, that reminds me of that scene from The Beastmaster where the giant eagle dudes digest people and leave behind only their bones and armor.

This is So going on my list of ways I don’t want to die!

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