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Message to all Women!

Had an appointment at the doctor’s this morning. I found a spot on my scalp that was dark so I figured I would have it checked out (family history of melanoma). Good news? Doc thinks it’s only a scab. Bad news? Apparently I hit my head harder on the bird feeder than I originally thought 😉

The point of this post is not to tell girls to go see their docs (which of course you SHOULD) but rather pertaining to visiting with a student/friend while waiting for the doctor. She is going through what I think many mothers go through with daughters (it might be the same for sons but as I am a girl and this particular story pertains to a girl, I am going with that) and my heart breaks that there isn’t anything that can be done. It had to be hard for a parent to watch their child crash and burn and yet continue to walk the same path. Isn’t there a saying that says something about doing things the same and expecting the result to change is insanity??

This sweet beautiful girl began her downward spiral because of a boy. Now, I’m not saying that she doesn’t have to take full responsibility for her choices because she absolutely does! Those of you keeping up with my blog know how I feel about that. But in her mind, the world rises and sets on this guy and she makes VERY bad choices based on this guy. What I am wanting to delve into with this post  is the need for some girls/women to make the choice to be led astray because of a man. Not that I’m against men or hate men (on the contrary, in fact LOL) but I am talking about a very real issue that many women face, the same issues that keep them in an abusive relationship, whether it be physical or mental.

And I believe this is the relationship this woman’s daughter is in.

The daughter has been in and out of jail, in trouble with drugs and such, and at the center of it all is the boy that introduced her to the drugs and the one she keeps running back to even though she ends up in jail every time. See what I mean about the insanity thing?? The poor mother doesn’t understand the hold this young man has over her daughter and quite frankly, neither do I. But then again, I have the benefit of many  more years on my side.

I made some mistakes as a young woman fresh out of high school, one that  many women are lucky to never have to deal with. I put up with control issues for a couple of years but eventually broke free. And I never did it again, except with my ex husband. Kind of wished I wouldn’t have put up with the crap because I basically did what I always said I would NEVER do: forgive an incident of cheating (I friggin did it TWICE) and let a guy dictate what I would or wouldn’t do. But at the time I thought I was doing what a good little wifey should, but looking back I realize I wasn’t standing up for myself.

Now, I’m not saying I’m perfect or easy to live with because I know I’m not. Part of me is seriously thinking I am one of those people that just needs to stay single. I will never need a man in the way that maybe most men need to be needed (my editor is probably dying to get her red pen out at all the “needs” in that last sentence), I won’t just do whatever a man wants, and I damn sure won’t ever put up with cheating again.

I don’t need a man to do stuff. I am perfectly happy doing things alone (going out to eat, movies, etc). If I do need help with something, I have plenty of friends and family to ask or I can hire someone to do things for me (change oil, etc). I’m one of those people that prefers to stay home rather than go anywhere. I’m happy with a good book or a good movie or my laptop creating fictional worlds and really don’t enjoy going to bars and such. I’m smart and will never pretend that I’m not just to stroke a man’s ego. I worked damn hard to get where I am and I’m not ashamed of being intelligent. I’m an unapologetic NERD and will never feel guilty or embarrassed for geeking out about Doctor Who, Star Trek, or the Avengers. I talk a LOT and I talk FAST and am one of those annoying people that actually LIKES life and the world and is happy and I get super excited about most anything…you get the picture?? I go all in when it comes to emotions, so that includes the not-so-pretty things like anger (think demon+devil+Rocky Balboa), jealousy, etc. But it also means I go all in with the GOOD things: passion, love, friendship. I don’t know how to be any other way than what I am.

So yeah, I’m a handful but I deserve to be loved for exactly who I am and not have to change for anyone. I WON’T change for anyone because you know what??? Even with all my faults, I like myself. Really and truly. And at age 41, I am done with the games of the younger me that put forth so much effort to be noticed and to have people like me. Now?? I really don’t care if people like me. *shrug* I no longer live for anyone else but me and my two cats. 😀

I wish I could tell every young girl out there falling over backwards for a guy that they are better off being alone and being happy on their own than wasting so much energy on a guy, especially if he’s calling you back into his arms to shove drugs at you, or other things that will tear you down. Isn’t it supposed to be that people in a relationship build each other up? Do things to make the other feel good about themselves? Push the other person to be better?

If these things aren’t happening, then why the hell are you in that relationship in the first place???

So girls, if you are reading this and either know someone in this situation or are in it yourself ask yourself this: if you don’t think enough of yourself and your own worth, then why should anyone else??? If you don’t see yourself as the amazing, unique, beautiful, spunky, sassy, loving, nurturing (enter whatever word you like!!) woman you are than NO ONE WILL!!!!! It’s about loving yourself FIRST, above and beyond what anyone else does. Once you are at that place, and believe me girls it’s liberating to be there, you will see the world in a whole new light and you won’t settle for less than you deserve.

And that is someone to love all the parts of you, good and bad, and help you realize your hopes and dreams and you help them with theirs, build each other up and not tear each other down, be each other’s best friend and rock during the storms of life.

You are too precious to waste your time on someone who is bad for you. Trust me on this. I’m not saying that this path to self-love is an easy one and won’t be fraught with hurt, but you WILL come out the other side stronger and more confident so that you WILL attract people to you that will be an important addition to your life rather than a hindrance. Maybe no one has ever told you how wonderful you are so I’M telling you!!!!!

I LOVE hearing from readers so please leave your comments and thoughts. Again, I wasn’t meaning this to be sexist but I can only write from my own POV and wanted to reach out to women who may be stuck in a situation that is sucking the life out of them and situations that are not healthy. When my ex left me the second time around I thought my world was ending but a year later I am seeing that it’s just beginning and it’s wonderful and full of promise! The same can happen for anyone if you just LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

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8 Comments on “Message to all Women!”

  1. blazemcrob July 14, 2014 at 6:26 pm #

    Tough stuff, my friend. My oldest daughter, about your age now, always seemed to choose the wrong guys, although there were many nice guys she knew who would have treated her well. Sometimes I think the excitement factor enters into the picture. Good guys are boring compared to bad ones. A short term vs long term thing. I certainly don’t have the answers and hope my younger daughters don’t follow the path she did.


    • drshaywest July 14, 2014 at 8:26 pm #

      It’s nice to hear a man’s perspective! I hope all of your daughters realize their true worth and realize how very special they are ❤

      • blazemcrob July 14, 2014 at 8:33 pm #

        A father can only hope for the best. I certainly hope they do.

        • drshaywest July 14, 2014 at 8:36 pm #

          Only speaking from experience, it’s sometimes something that can only come about through trial and pain, things that most parents wished their children never had to go through

          • blazemcrob July 14, 2014 at 10:58 pm #

            It’s a tough world with no easy answers unfortunately.

  2. Harliqueen July 15, 2014 at 4:57 am #

    It is sad when things like this happen. And it reminds us to tell others how special they are, just to let them know that they are beautiful and strong 🙂

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