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When You Gotta Go You Gotta Go

I just gotta share this story from the family trip to South Dakota because I know damn good and well there’s someone else out there that’s had the same experience as me. I can’t be the only one in the world with a tiny bladder.

Picture it: South Dakota 2015. A beautiful young (okay middle-aged, but this is my story and I can be young if I wanna) professor/writer is on a family trip. On one particular sunny day, the family decides to take a drive into the Badlands and check out Wall Drug (which was friggin’ awesome, by the way. They have a T-Rex!) before heading back to the cabin in Hill City. We headed off in two rigs: my mom, dad, and I in one car and my sisters, niece, and brother-in-law in another. We’re tootling along and soon pass Rapid City. There’s a sign for a rest area and dad asks if I have to go, which at the time I didn’t. I figured there’d be a town or something ahead so I wasn’t worried about it.

On we go, the landscape growing more bleak with each passing mile. Trees were sparse and not even close to the road. We’re driving and driving and now my bladder starts to twinge. Now, let it be known that the words “hold it” don’t really apply to me. My bladder is really literally super small, way smaller than an adult bladder so life for me can be…challenging at times. Trying to drink enough liquids to prevent serious dehydration is difficult if not impossible with my situation. I’ve had head stroke several times and heat exhaustion more times than I can count. Before you suggest trying the drugs for overactive bladder (which has to do with muscle contractions rather than the size) let me assure you that I did and I actually ended up going MORE, probably due to my kidneys filtering out the drug metabolites.

Anyway, I managed to squeeze and ignore the urge by daydreaming but that can only go so far. Unfortunately, there was nothing. No towns, no rest areas, nothing. Finally, I can’t stand it. I tell dad to pull over and I’ll just go by the side of the road. I have no qualms about peeing on the side of the road. Done it so many times I can’t even count.

Dad manages to find a pull out area (not a single tree around) and I jump out of the car, unbuttoning and unzipping as I move around my door. I’m giggling at this point and yelling at mom to open her door planning to squat and go so no one can see me. I hunker down and let loose and let me tell ya…nothing feels as good as finally being able to purge the bladder. Well, okay, there’s plenty of things that feel better, but I was in heaven at that particular moment.

Normally when I pee, it only takes about 0.003 seconds for me to finish. My family knows this and it’s a running joke that I can be done and hands washed before anyone else has even finished going. But on this particular occasion, I had held it for so long that I actually went for a looooooong time, so much so that my mother remarked, “Jesus, Shay, you’re still going?”

Now about this time I hear a motorcycle coming from the back and the other car carrying the rest of the family has turned around and is heading back toward us. And I’m STILL going. Dad’s laughing and telling me to pinch it off (right, like I can really do that! *rolls eyes*). I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe.

I finally finish and go to stand, but  my legs are locked tight and I end up falling backward against the running board of the passenger seat. My arms involuntarily flail out to help me catch my balance and of course, I end up hitting the back door, which then proceeds to close…with me still with my pants down *face palm*

Now, I don’t know if motorcycle man got a look at anything as he whizzed by, but at that point, I didn’t care. And really, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

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3 Comments on “When You Gotta Go You Gotta Go”

  1. cpbialois June 30, 2015 at 1:15 pm #

    On the plus side, at least they didn’t pull out on you. 😀

    • drshaywest July 1, 2015 at 4:25 pm #

      Dad said he thought about it!!!! LOL

      • cpbialois July 1, 2015 at 7:20 pm #

        Haha! Just think of all the fun you would’ve had trying to catch them. 🙂

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