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The New Thing in Relationships


I saw a post on Facebook recently about a fairly new trend with relationships. (Maybe it’s not so new but it’s new to me  LOL) It’s called Living Apart Together. Folks in this type of situation can do one of several things: share the same house but sleep in separate beds, share the same house but have separate bedrooms, or live in two separate houses.

This tends to fly in the face of what most people would call a healthy relationship, but lets just really think about this for a minute. What if you have two people that truly love one another and want to be together but they have very different schedules or even personalities? This arrangement makes more sense than forcing them to try to compromise.

Let’s look at my situation. I actually prefer to sleep alone, although I also like the small amount of cuddles before going to sleep. I don’t sleep through the night and get up at least twice to pee. This tends to disturb my partner’s sleep, especially when I hit my weird I’m-going-to-wake-up-at-4 am-and-toss-and-turn-for-hours phase of the night  😉  Separate beds or separate bedrooms would be an ideal solution. And I think it would be sort of fun and sexy to meet up with your partner for those special intimate moments before heading back to your own bed/room.

But what if in addition to not wanting to sleep with someone, you have opposite schedules or are one of those people that really needs some space, either for creative reasons or just because you don’t want to do people at that moment? Separate rooms would solve some of these issues, but totally separate homes would be even better. You’d have your space and can continue to have your same routine-for the most part-and cultivate a relationship as well. People can still do date nights, meet up for dinners and TV/movie time. And since you won’t see each other every day, you’d have a lot of catching up to do and that could help keep the bond and spark alive.

But for me, there’s an even more important reason. Sharing a house with someone means giving up my independence. I have my own home and can take care of myself, pay my own bills, etc. Moving in with someone changes that and could put me at financial risk if the relationship doesn’t work out. I don’t have the money to put down another down payment on a new place and who’s to say I would even be able to find anything in my price range? And I don’t necessarily want someone moving in with me in my tiny little 900 square foot house. Only one bathroom, tiny bedrooms, not much space for me to do my writing or him to do whatever he wants to do alone.

The more I think about this arrangement, the more I think this is what I want eventually. If the right man comes along that wants the same thing and is willing to still put in the work required to make a relationship work. The living-apart -together idea just seems like it will take some of the hassle out of merging two people into one household when they’d be a lot happier if they can maintain their own separate spaces.

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5 Comments on “The New Thing in Relationships”

  1. MaryKate December 8, 2015 at 10:21 am #

    I have to say, this works for me. My partner snores – loudly. So after we fall asleep, I tend to get up a bit later, go sleep in another room, then come back in the morning to snuggle together before getting up. It might not work for everyone, and sometimes I sleep through the snoring and sleep next to him all night… Or I head home once we fall asleep. I like having my own space and my own bed. Maybe if we take the relationship to the next level one day, we’ll live together, but my home is too small for a family of 4. So right now, both of us having our own lives works really well for us. 🙂

    • drshaywest December 8, 2015 at 10:24 am #

      The snoring gets to me too LOL

  2. blazemcrob December 8, 2015 at 1:18 pm #

    Good points, Shay. In today’s world, many relationships go sour, and by maintaining one’s own home, nothing of a financial matter is lost by either party if this happens. In a way, it’s like the necessity of women to have a career and be able to make a living if her spouse/boyfriend takes a powder. Love is great, but practicality is also important.

    • drshaywest December 8, 2015 at 7:14 pm #

      😀 Seems like this works for some people, especially ones that are older and set in their ways, have lived through the stressful situations that arise when two people try to live together. For some it works, but for those like me, I think I like the idea of maintaining my independence while cultivating a loving, respectful, monogamous relationship 🙂 Just gotta find the manly other half of the equation LOL

      • blazemcrob December 9, 2015 at 8:51 am #

        Independence is a good thing. Good luck on the other half of your equation. 😀

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